Abgeschickt von david and laqlaq am 20 Mai, 2004 um 15:13:22:
Laqlaq's wedding in Siwa:
So Bakri and I went to the wedding party. Basically it was very traditional; men came pouring into an open space covered with tarpaulin, taking of their shoes, sitting down and getting stuffed with oily rice and pieces of meat out of big aluminium bowls. When I insisted that this can't be it, we were guided to Laqlaq sitting in an empty unfurnished room being nervous. Bakri took care of cooking tea on a gas stove and I was playing Libyan music from the Laptop. His best friends showed up but nothing except Laqlaq wearing a new white gallabiya had the aura of "marriage" as we would imagine it (see photo www.haberlah.com/forum/laqlaq_thehourbefore.jpg). Suddenly the bridegroom disappeared and half an hour later you could hear the cars with chanting woman approaching speedily. Everybody rushed to Laqlaq's house to see them quickly disappearing in it. Ten minutes later the party was dissolved. The garden and house was full of the female part of Laqlaq's family singing. Basically you had the impression that the joyous part of the whole exercise was all with the two separated women parties. But from the perspective of an outsider I didn't expect to "see" much of what is going on anyway, not in Siwa. So I was waiting for another interview with the bridegroom which Laqlaq granted me five days later:
How many days are you married now?
(counting for a minute) It is five days from today.
So what happened when you guided your bride to your house?
The first night: When the bride was delivered by car with all the other women of her family he waited for her outside the house and guided her inside. Actually everything happened very quickly and in the dark – so I couldn't take any photos. An old woman accompanied them into the room. She is a professional in "these things" which cover also traditional abortion, checking virginity in case of raised suspicion and is about 50 years old. This woman will wait for the "blood on the sheet" which she will receive together with a 100 Gineh and a watch to go to the mother of the bride. For the mother it is very important to see the blood because only this way she can be sure that she "saved her daughter". In the moment she witnesses the blood she will make this traditional sound of happiness (zaghrouta) to call in all the women of her area to see the "proof". 50 Gineh will be for the service of the "Aguza" and the other plus the watch will be returned to his wife to receive it as Laqlaqs marriage present in the next morning. "I asked this woman to go outside for 15 minutes. I used this time to pray next to my wife". Because of reasons which can't be mentioned here, but are part of the female nature of things, the particular sheet could not be presented the same day, but her mother was informed of the situation anyway. In the old times the process of defloration was conducted by the husband with the index finger in the presence of two witnesses from the family before the girl, usually aged around 16 was taken away to wash.
So finally they were left alone, Laqlaq and Nura and talked together for the first time. She was crying so Laqlaq tried to comfort her. "I tell her that it is her home now and that my mother is her mother now so why you cry? The wife of my brother is now part of your family." (all in Siwi language). "I am happy with you, and are you happy with me?" – "Yes I am, I like you, I am happy." After half an hour people were knocking at his window and he had to through out some biscuits and sweets for them. This is part of the tradition in Siwa. "Me I was asking if she likes children. How many do you want, 11 or 12? Yes I like children but only one or two in the beginning. If we are happy after two years or three years we make more. One child first and take a break of four years. No problem we can make children now. Then we will give you medicine."
So what about the next day?
They had to wake up at 6:00h in the morning. Laqlaq went to the house of his brother and everybody congratulated him saying "mabruk". After that they had a traditional feast called "dahwiya" (a meal between breakfast and lunch).They ate "deshisha" (a meal which is made from wheat and meat and is the traditional last meal of a wedding). After the lunch a neighbouring Sheikh came to pray with him and instruct him on his new duties. A couple of teas later he returned to his house to get the wine and "smoke" to have fun with his friends in the garden and play music. He has to provide the wine which is prepared from dates and sugar cane syrup three months in advance. He tried to have an afternoon nap before returning to his wife around 21:00h. Their second sleepless night lasted until 6:00h in the morning. "Another night we talk about our uncles and friends. My brother is older than me and I like him too much".
She was spending the whole day with his (female part of the) family and all the girls of the area. She has to get to know everybody of this area because she will be part of it. Her stepmother is from now on responsible for her conduct. They were also singing and making music but they didn't drink "hamr" and enjoy a smoke. Even the old ones refrained from that, a practice otherwise common and tolerated in the rest of the Arab world.
The third night she informed him that she is ready now and that her mother will be seeing her for the "sheet" the next day. "So we put it in a box. It is not allowed to go outside of the room."
Did Aloush drive you and your wife a night out into the Sahara as part of the "honey moon"?
"Not now because there are still people coming to congratulate." One week after the marriage there will be a big party with all her (female) family coming and Laqlaq will have to cut the heart of three palm trees (gumar). One has to be covered with bills of money and will be presented to the mother of the bride "because she is special". "Nobody can eat from this gumar until it is carried home to show it to all the neighbours." The mother will keep the money as her private gift. The father of the bride will visit Laqlaq after something like three weeks to talk to him. Laqlaq is planing to take her to the desert before she will go to visit her family. Traditionally a wife was not allowed to see her "old" family for a year. But now this was reduced to something like a month after the marriage. "I promised her after 20 days I will take her to her family."
(see photo: www.haberlah.com/forum/laqlaq_nowamarriedman.jpg)
So much for a Siwan marriage. Lots of aspects had been kept out, like the whole negotiation for a wife with new options on a daily basis. I have to thank Laqlaq for being so open about this highly sensitive issue and I hope that nobody gets upset with the content and wording of this text.